I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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