It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
