I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
