I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
