you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
