it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
