i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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