I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
