Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
