Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we're making bets on your personal life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
