I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
