but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
