You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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