I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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