so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
