The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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