Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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