at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tell her she can't have a vagina
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
