I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
