my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
