The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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