I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
