I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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