So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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