His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
