maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
