haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
