Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
