you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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