then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
