I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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