Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
