Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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