It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
