apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
