i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
