Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
