I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
