We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
