You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
