So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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