it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
