So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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