On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
