I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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