I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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