apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
