Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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