I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Shame - the story of my life.
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