My pussy is not your playground.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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