my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sober January is a disaster.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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