I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
