I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
