I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
